Looking back at life, especially during the times of loneliness, brings back so much to ponder upon.
The self talk, at this time of the day, chatters all the thoughts hidden in your secret closet. The hidden treasure has gamut of emotions bundled up in each incident, some of joy, some of fun, some of reverence and some of regrets. Of all these, the most impactful one now in your lone time becomes the "regret"
An emotion that can put you in binge thinking of all the agonizing things you thought you did. The mistakes of past haunt like a spirit waiting for a human body to take shape and try to live in this world once again with its devastating intents. Pangs of mood swings are just part of another transition that your mind now faces. The darkness filled around, screams and yells at you , echoing it's voice in void, of the decisions you made which were nothing, but just Wrong! The footsteps you took during those days, relive in your lone world now and force you to second guess all the decisions taken. The unanswered questions fill your mind with assumptions and self-doubts. You end up rethinking on the "Best Possible Response" to every fight you had with your conscience that time. Despaired feelings descend , only to make you feel weak on knees in front of the challenges and opportunities you foresee in your future. Whispering subtly, give up.. you would go wrong again... Give up!
Lost in darkness, you grab your pillow, stare at revolving fan.. slowly with teary eyes..doze off!
Then there comes a new morning, strangely enough, you wake up pretty early. Lull inside, you hold on your coffee mug looking outside to comprehend what just happened last night. You look at those trees waving in breeze, chirping of birds, your mother making breakfast for family and suddenly it strikes upon.. "Thank You God, for giving me one more day to better my life. Without your grace, this wouldn't have been so easy."
The light scent of gratitude fills the air around. It doesn't really put your fears to rest at once, but gives you that tiny-miny hope to have a life that you would call yours. Just like there is nothing like love at first sight, you just get infatuated at the first sight... The strong bond of love takes time.. it's own sweet time.
Similarly, there is nothing like suddenly world will turn upside down by feeling of gratitude just for moment.. it takes time.. it takes efforts to recognize the presence of God's will in every thing around.. it takes efforts to look beyond the illusionary vision of things as they appear to be.. it takes courage to be appreciative of small steps you take to have that self-realization.
Focusing on things you can be grateful about are just around the corner, sneaking and hiding.. awaiting your strong will to find it. It will be difficult to see through the tinted glass of worldly achievements and societal expectations.. well, that explains why the world around today is so obsessed with terms like "stress", "mental health" and "depression". They fail to understand that the real challenge is not depression, but one's will to find things that really matters them the most.. just them.. not the world, not the society, not their families, not their parents. Just them.
By the virtue of being blessed with a life as a human, each one of us have been granted with the wisdom to know the truth. It is only found by the seeker.
The one who seeks self realisation, one who seeks God's will in everything, one who seeks The Gratitude.
